I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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