I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
