I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
