woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
