I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
