Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
