So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
