we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
