I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
it glows. i had to have it.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
