I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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