sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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