i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize