i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
