I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
