Are we in a gay sports bar?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
