it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
