i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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