I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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