we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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