Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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