this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
