someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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