I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
