i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
