Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
