Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
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