you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
