It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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