Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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