so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
His nipple licking is glorious
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