genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
