he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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