he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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