It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
