So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
