terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
