Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Randomize
