hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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