I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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