my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
