i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
