i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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