I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
