your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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