Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
