Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
