cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
