dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
