she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
only if we run a train.
done.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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