I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
