I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
