Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
