D3 body, D1 cock
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
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