is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
