This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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