I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
