Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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