Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
