when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
