We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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