Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
