just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
