I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
