Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
