I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
