Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize