My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
