The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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