I bet he comes in French.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
