he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
