I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Ladies don't puke and tell
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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