the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
