The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
