He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
