just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
