OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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