I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
